Subject: Re: Details about macbook.

OK! This one was long overdue...
James is supposedly a Nigerian, trying to sell a mac-book... to me. I am NOT making all this up. I found this info, about a MacBook going dirt cheap. I was, at that time, unfamiliar with popular 'Nigerian Scams'.

Anyway, this is an e-mail conversation between con-man James and me, all of which took place within a day...a few hours actually.
No editing of text... just reversal of order...ashtey.

*******************************************************************

Date: Thu, 16 Aug 2007 16:35:06 +0800
From: snehalpinto@gmail.com
To: jamesbent2@hotmail.com
Subject: Details about macbook.

Hey,
Macbook pro for 1000 SGD ?? really ?
Can i have some more details please ?
Thanks
Snehal

---***---
On 8/17/07, James Bent < jamesbent2@hotmail.com > wrote:

Hello Snehal,

Thanks for your email.
The 17" Apple Macbook Pro laptop is brand new and still sealed in the box. Comes with two years warranty. It cost $1000SGD and the shipping cost is $100SGD.
So the total cost is $1100SGD.
Specificationsfor the 17" Apple macbook laptop include
Processor: 2.4GHz Intel Core 2 Duo
Memory: 2GB
Hard drive: 120GB
Internal Slots: DVD/RW
4 USB ports
Serial no. MA092LL/A
To place your order, email back with the follwoing informations.
1. Your full name
2. your shipping address in detail
3. Your Phone Number
As soon as the above informations are received, the laptop will be packaged and ready for shipment to you.
Delivery will take max. of 2 days(48hrs)
Shipping is via UPS.
Payment is through western union money transfer.
Thanks.
Reply.
James Bent
Electronics Solution Inc.
25 Lekki Express way, Lekki, Lagos, Nigeria.
Tel: +2348087***249
Registration No. 708***14

***---***
Ok Champa... sounds good, but I smell that dead fish in your pocket. Still, since you patiently replied, (to eventually take my money of course) I will return the favour. You do what you have to; just wont let you steal from me.
***---***

Date: Fri, 17 Aug 2007 11:32:47 +0800
From: snehalpinto@gmail.com

Hi James,
I regret to inform you, i wont be going in for the offer. I already managed to buy a second hand notebook which i could test out first hand.
Thanks for your time.
Regards
Snehal

***---***
There... that was polite, i guess. He wants to steal? thats fine. I'm not preaching to anybody.
***---***

On 8/17/07, James Bent > wrote:

Oh ok.
But i can give you a discount.
Electronics Solution Inc.
25 Lekki Ex.....
.......

***---***

Well... the plot thickens.

***---***
Date: Fri, 17 Aug 2007 15:25:23 +0800
From: snehalpinto@gmail.com

Oh thanks! but i'm not really looking to bargain. Your price is already fantastic. Actually, I'm paying a few dollars more for this second hand laptop. Its just that, i wanted to test anything BEFORE i bought it. Also, i thought you were operating locally. nevermind. Too bad i'm not from Nigeria.
Anyway, ive already spent my cash :)
thanks and rgds
Snehal

---***---

On 8/17/07, James Bent > wrote:

Ours is Brand new in the pack, with complete accessories.
oK lets do it this way. For a start.
Pay for just shipping cost, and when you get the Mac Book, and have tested it, you can the pay the rest.
Thanks
Await your reply.
James Bent.
Electronics Solution Inc.

***---***

Ooookay, sister.... lets play!

***---***

Date: Fri, 17 Aug 2007 15:38:39 +0800
From: snehalpinto@gmail.com

oh man! :0)
this is really tempting... but i've already spent my money. However, if you are willing, i could buy it for a friend. If you could send it over, i'll test it, ( and since you are confident that its fine, because its in the original package you dont have anything to worry about) After i test it, i'll wire the cost+shipping plus 10%
thats 1000+100+110 (extra) roughly 1200 SGD ... but AFTER i receive the package.
Regards,
Snehal

---***---

On 8/17/07, James Bent > wrote:

Ok great.
But there is one little problem here.
Its company policy that atleast a form of payment must be tendered before shipment is carried out.
What i mean is that, payment must be confirmed first , no matter how small before shipment commences.
Thats why i asked you to pay for just the shipping fee, which is $100SGD.
And when you recive the Mac Book, you can then send the rest of the money.
We do this, so that we can atleast be sure that the customer is for real.
Hope you understand what i mean?
So now i will like you to send me your full shipping address, and telephone number so that your Mac Book can be immediately packaged to be ready for shipment.
Thanks
Await your reply
James Bent
Elect......-

***---***

Naaaice... address, phone number... how about my grannie's panties too?
Ok...no more interruptions...at least for a bit.

n'akkansisya!!!

***---***

Date: Fri, 17 Aug 2007 15:55:48 +0800
From: snehalpinto@gmail.com


hey James,
I agree with your policy. but if i'm going to pay via a WU transfer, i'll also need some assurance. Which is why i suggested that you take 10 %. Maybe even 20 %. (Since i'll be selling this piece for a profit.) But AFTER i receive the unit. You can use your shipping partners to confirm my address and identification. I'll produce all my identification papers to the shipping partner, once i receive the unit (and fax address proof and details to you too). That includes my passport details, Citizenship staus, and current adress proof. But, AFTER i receive the unit.
Thanks again.
Snehal

---***---

On 8/17/07, James Bent < jamesbent2@hotmail.com > wrote:

Thanks for your mail,
Oh i see what you are saying now.
Are you talking about the Western union charges.
If thats the case, you can take the western union charges from the $100 to be sent.
Like i said before, its policy that payment must be confirmed first no matter how small.
So now i will like you to send me your full shipping address, and telephone number so that your Mac Book can be immediately packaged to be ready for shipment.
Thanks
Await your reply
James Bent
Electronics Solution Inc.

---***----

Date: Fri, 17 Aug 2007 16:05:39 +0800
From: snehalpinto@gmail.com


Since its your policy that i send a sum, no matter how small, is it ok if i transfer 10 SGD... just to start with... just to prove i'm for real.

---***---

On 8/17/07, James Bent wrote:

Yes no matter how small.
But you know $10SGD is just too small.
Its not even up 10USD.
I was hoping that you will send may be $80SGD.
Thanks
Reply now
James Bent.
Electronics Solution Inc.

***---***

Oh Har! and Har! too small eh? Policy my ARSE! fakkin smegma-breathed leech! From 1100 to 100, and now 80... how low will he go?

***---***

Date: Fri, 17 Aug 2007 16:16:31 +0800
From: snehalpin.....

well.. thats a very lax policy then.... right now... i can afford only that much. Do let me know if you can work with that. ie : 10SGD. After all, all you need to know is if i'm for real.
I mean, dont get me wrong. What assurance do i have that you wont get back to me after i transfer that 'small' amount ? Of course.. i mean it in no derogatory sense... just a precautionary measure. Do understand. Long story short... i can afford to invest 10 SGD to prove i'm for real, to someone i dont know, regardless of the outcome.
Thanks

---***---

On 8/17/07, James Bent wrote:

Thanks for your mail,
I know you can afford the $80SGD.
And dont you think that we have tried for you.
You are buying an item worth $1100SGD.
And we just want you to send $80SGD for a start.
God thats good enough if you ask me.
And about assurance, you have nothing to worry about as you are dealing with a legitimate company.
To prove that to you, here a reference.
Hes from the UK. He bought 10 units of the Mac Book from us Last week.
His name is Scott Wuhrer
And here is his number
+4470****5758
You can call him and ask about about the Mac Book and our services too
After that send me an email ok.
I will be expecting your mail.
Thanks
Await your reply
James Bent.
Electronics Solution Inc.

***---***

oooOOoo...'tried for you', 'good enough', Credibility check... using big words he doesn't understand; is'nt he cute?!?

***---***

Date: Fri, 17 Aug 2007 16:34:07 +0800
From: sneh...

well... i'm not asking you to bend your comapny policy. really. And since the purpose of receiveing an initial amount is just to ascertain my credibility, why dont you take a small amount? since i'll any way be paying the larger amount upon delivery. Honestly, i can afford the 80 SGD. but i am skeptical. Call me stingy, but thats how i prefer to do business. I will pay you. and you have my FULL 10 SGD as a credibility check. credibility can be checked no matter if its 10, 80 or even 800 SGD. So, i'll send you 10. But you send me the unit.. i'll pay you the rest AND a 10 % extra fee, for all this rigmarole i made you go through with.
Warm Regards.
Snehal

---***---

On 8/17/07, James Bent wrote:

Now let me ask you a question.
If you were us, and i was you.
And i wanted to purchase an item worth of $1200.
And i want to pay $10 upfront, will you agree to that?
The money is just too little.
Think about.
Whats the difference of $10 and $80. Its not much.
So why cant you just pay that , and when you get the package, you can then send the rest of the money.
And besides , i already gave you guarantee already.
Did you call Scott, to ask him about our services?
Thanks
Await your reply
James Bent.
Electronics Solution Inc.

***---***

Oh! oh! here it comes... aim, lock ....

***---***

Date: Fri, 17 Aug 2007 23:54:58 +0800
From: snehalpinto@gmail.com
To: jamesbent2@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: Details about macbook.

10 $ isnt too different from 80?? hmmm...then why dont you accept 10bucks???
And if I were you, and you were me (like they were he and john Lenon was the Walrus)
I would'nt accept cash only through WU. I would setup a better portal, to accept cash. But i'm not you, and you are not me. (and they are not he, and John Lenon was not the Walrus... the Walrus was Paul.)
And WHO is SCOTT?? why should i care? really.... how can i believe HIS word? What is this? is this some scam? can i see a website of some sort? Please!
I've had enough. You're DARN right that the money's too little. Because the scam's just not worth it!
Dont ask me for my address, DONT ask me for my phone number, Dont contact me again. And, YOU think about what you're doing.... really... its not right. I politely declined once... but you tried enticing me with silly offers.... shameful!
This is my last email to you. Please dont try to convince me anymore.I find all that you've offered so far to be outrageously unbelievable. So, thanks for the entertainment. I dont intend to waste anymore of my time, or yours... but mainly mine.
Have a nice life!
Sweet, Warm Regards
Snehal

***---***

...aaaahh... wooh! I'm SO spent, baby...rolling off now.

***---***
On 8/17/07, James Bent wrote:

Thanks for your mail,
Such words coming out from you.
I was just trying to be a sales man, if you ask me, thats what sales men do.
We try to get more customers.
I am sorry if i have offended you. And i will not send you any other email again.

Bye.

Electronics Solution Inc.

*******************************************************************

Aaaaw... c'mon sweety, don't be that way...
"I was just trying to be a sales man".

Woooh! yes, SURE you were.HORRBIAATCH! In the words of Mr.Mani... get some Spiritual healing.

I really would've sent the 10 bucks... if he'd called my bluff... it would've been worth it.

Needless to say, since that day, my mailbox has been brimming with mails of penile size increase tips...'spam for my ham'... Nice!
Did you know 'Extenze' can give you 4 inches to...... *sigh*

Beatle it out...

Part 1 : Before Time

I saw her standing there.
She said, "Do you want to know a secret?"
I said, I want to hold your hand.
I knew she had a ticket to ride, so i decided to act naturally.
"Its only love, and you like me too much"
Oh Darling,But I want you. Love me do... even when i'm 64?
"I will, but you got to hide your love away"
And I love her.
We'd twist and shout, get a taste of honey and be flying.

Part 2 : Suspended Animation

We'd twist and shout, get a taste of honey and be flying.

We'd twist and shout, get a taste of honey and be flying.

She said, "Help! Dr. Robert!!"
But, we never come together!
"Baby its you! Call Dr. Robert....Wait... I feel fine...and your bird can sing now."

We'd twist and shout, get a taste of honey and be flying. Oh, yesterday.


Part 3 : Agonising Ecstasy

Tell me what you see...
"A long, long, long, long and winding road and a nowhere man"
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, then...
"Oh darling, but I want you"

We'd twist and shout, get a taste of honey and be flying. Oh, yesterday.

G O O D D A Y S U N S H I N E

Baby! you're a rich (wo)man !
"I'm so tired, pass me my Savoy Truffle!"
Sure, Honey pie.

We'd twist and shout, get a taste of honey and be flying. Oh, yesterday.

B L U E J A Y W A Y

"Babe, the two of us, got to carry that weight, across the universe"
But, I'm only sleeping...
"Babe! I'm looking through you... you're here, there and everywhere!"
But, I'm only sleeping...
"No.9, No.9, No.9 No.9"

But still, We'd twist and shout, get a taste of honey and be flying.

D I Z Z Y M I S S L I Z Z Y

"You never give me your MONEY!!"
But, I'm only sleeping...
"The Taxman, wont tolerate your helter skelter way"
What goes on???
She said,"SHE said... MONEY... thats what i want"
Help!

But still, We'd twist and shout, get a taste of honey and be flying.

"Think for yourself, or you won't see me."
but babe, all you need is love
"No,I dont intend to live on penny lane"
(well, she IS a woman, and I wanna be her man).
"Theres a place...."
Where two of us can be?
"--no reply--"
OK, I'll follow the sun. But babe, dont let me down.
"I will... not"

And again, We'd twist and shout, get a taste of honey and be flying.


Part 4 : Decay and De-value

T H E M A G I C A L M Y S T E R Y T O U R !

I've got a feeling, Misery. Love, ..love me do.
"I will"
Oh!Darling
"Let it be"

oh Darling?
"--no reply--"
misery...

Girl??
"--no reply--"

good night, good morning, good morning, goodnight
"--no reply--"

oh, yesterday.


O N L Y A N O R T H E R N S O N G

"...You may think the chords are going wrong,
But they're not
He just wrote it like that"

.. "Hey..."
BABE!
"You're a day tripper"
I'm a loser?
"something..."
someother guy?
"Rich man... rich"
I'm gonna sit right down and cry
"I'll be on my way"
Hello? "Goodbye"

***---***---***---***---***---***---***---***---***---***

I Saw her standing there... I should have known better...

bitch.

Moving mountains is easy...

Journeys are interesting, whatever they maybe, however imposed, in retrospect always interesting. Largely, we choose where we go; doesnt matter if your Daddy's got a car, a scooter or a truck... man want to go, man will go... child dont want to go, gets two on its bum-bum, and will be forced to go. Tough.

Most journeys however, end up being ignored and earn an almost non-existential place in the pool of greys; that cesspit-styled, culturedly volatile, relentlessly ablutionary place... phew! In non-wiki-folks terms, easily forgotten. Mr.Mani says/quotes :

"Brevity is the soul of humour"

... I'm in short supply of all three.

Rapidly dwindling memory pools notwithstanding, some journeys migrate to mindly havens, replete with exaggeration and sometimes displaced in time... we are progressive. (disclaimer)

This is about one of those 'journeys'.

Take :
1 Swaraj Mazda
1 Rock Band
1 Rock Band Manager
7 Roadies/groupies/free-loaders
1 'Out-station' show
1 Long and winding road (bumpy too)

My first 'tour' with the band, also my first experience of being part of the headlining act! What thirrlls i say! Loaded with whiskey for the booze-partees, and Orbits... for me, we set forth... of course, not before Jungle Boy took a nice dump, while sadly, S.Yacoulb, the enormous homophobe, didnt. This partially set a 'drone' for most of the journey ...

S.Yacoulb : "I want to do kakka"

... nice.

While the booze-partees were getting drunk, I was getting queasy. Bus journeys are not for the weak of stomach. Enter orbit. Chewing gum helped prevent me from decorating the insides of the mazda with last night's dinner. So, i slumped in the back-most seat, menky-cap et al, ears protected from wind, while the baais made merry, and S.Yacoulb droned on; Annoyance Galore Inc.

Bad roads, pop songs, air laced with whiskey burps and nicotine, and the relentless drone of excretory yen. All summed-up to a soul filling experience of my first time.. . that is, travelling with the band. Made me wonder, is this what the "rock'n'roll", 'Band Scene' is about?

Smoke, booze and bad jokes..
Bumpy roads, queasiness and diesel fumes..
Long hair, tatoos and red-brassieres...

Most certainly NOT!... not red bras atleast... that was just S.Yacoulb at her prime.

Just when I felt my overbearing thoughts push me further into skepticism towards the whole 'Band' scene, amidst all that smoke, music and confusion, it happened... pragmatically magical, surreally lifelike...

...we all started singing. Just like that...

Time-out here, to refer a 'similar' scene from one of my all time favourites, "Almost Famous". That scene in the bus, where Russel Hammond, the lead guitarist, now wrapped in a towel, settles in after a night of flight. And Elton John's "Tiny dancer" sets in...



..as do the voices of everyone aboard, gradually.

Back to my story; we didnt sing Elton John. It was "Bed of Roses" by Bon Jovi, but what the hell...
It was pretty much like that... and yes, it was GOOD! It was a bonding of sorts, a 'come together'... right now, our own Lucy in the sky with diamonds, space truckin' across the universe.

With all our voices weaving complex overtones and harmonics of unrestrained cacophany, I felt like it was ALWAYS like this;

I was, am and will be here.

Thats what a 'Rock Band' is about... that feeling of allegiance, not in a jingoist sense, no. Its just good to be part of a tale; any part, even the tail.

Its good to belong.

Holy Bitches' Bazookas Batman, its the IRRELEVANT RACIST!!

Do you remember Robin? yes... Robin... the yellow-tight'd , black eye-masked, red vested -- green sleeved, 'oxford' hairstyled with kakka loads of mousse, *deeep breath* , diplomatic profanity shouting, loud mouthed.... waitaminut, what do i have against Robin? poor, sweet, orphan Robin... short, caped, just missed the ballerina squad Robin.... Mister 'look-at-me-i-can-fight' Robin... ROBIN.... I HATE ROBIN.. actually, i hate side kicks... lackeys, sycophants... reason : increase of conversation during moments of triumph...

"Holy Smokes BATMAN!" -- "Holy Teeth Batman! look out for that axe" - -
"Holy 'holy' chanting lackey side-kicks Batman!" "Holy..." OH SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!! BASTARDBITCHSLUTCORNHOLED........ SHADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!.....

phew! glad i got that out ... its good to have torrets once in a while (yes i know Robin.. i too, sense the redundancy... so, BAIMUCHKONINNAJJISHAATAHODILAUDEYKABAAL!!)

Verbal diarrhoea apart, its a piss-off when someone keeps talking INTENTIONALLY during something important... whether it be at a 'save the world from racoon-masked hooligans' day, or something as mundane as class.... and i'm not talking about while i'm taking a class... i mean, as a student, sitting in close proximity to certain junta from the right-bottomed coast line of India. I've heard women talk... and its nice... annoying, but nice nonetheless. However, try sitting around 'mudhuh-teng' speaking, class-interrupting, perpetually confused and 'muttery' mouthed MEN!
POLESMOKINBUTTRAMMEDFUDGEPACKERS!!!!!! ...bleddy...

No.. not simple, succinct dialogues like : 'pass me the calci' ; 'giuew me the rubbar' ;
' Sign-off Selva's name aalsow da' ... nooo, instead... prolonged, monotoned, low pitched pitter-patterish incomprehensible dribble, that resemble the audal character of a potato-fed cricket's gastric emission ... and to say nothing about the smell!

This staunch display of outright disrespect BANG in the middle of a lecture, can be prettty humiliating, NOT to the assmunchingtongueflexers , but instead, to those who hail from the same country.... quelle chagrin mon ami! Yes indeedy, every time 'that' section of the class' decibel level rises... and i MEAN rises... heads turn, throats turn parch, brows frown, butts shift... and yet, they go on yakking.... not even the holocaust would tear them apart...

"Say, whats that loud noise?? - - AaahNevermind lah ... then, after he said.... "

BLOODY BITCHES' BAZOOKAS BATMAN!!! DO SOMETHING!

Nope, no hope.... they'll graduate, with their well oiled kapi gulping pie holes, continuing to drench the rest of us in their mind-numbing dribble, and typecast us as a cult of uncouth, toddler-attention spanned motor-mouthed tribal hooligans... yeesh! too much hatred!

On the other hand, which btw, isnt so full of shit.... I have recently acquired a motor Bike! yes... nice 200 CC, 18(?) BHP , Honda Phantom.... yes, EXACTLY my kinda super hero, no super powers except brute strength and 'Tiger-buddhi', has a side kick that doesnt talk(!!) , and whose arrival is always preceeded by drum rolls... of course, just plain drum rolls to the 'naked' ear. But armed with a babel fish, we'd all know what the Pygmie Bandar were beating away to... no wait, that didnt quite sound right...ah BOLLOCKS!

I miss The Phantom; among most super heroes, this guy COULD actually exist! Think about it.. house in the jungle, gorilla for a friend, Pygmies (with poisonned arrows!!) as patrons... WOW... I'd like to BE him! and the suit!! man! what can be sexier than Purple?? NOTHING! The suit's actually required for the gun-holster.... those magnifcent semi-automatics! Its not a knife after all, much unlike Lord Greystroke a.k.a TARZAN of the apes! YOWZA! He was good, but no Phantom, certainly no 'Ghost who walks cannot die'. Man, Tarzan had some weird sense of fashion... the number of leopard deaths, just to stock up the Lord's wardrobe... last heard, Lord Greystroke had undie habbits akin to a certain Boy-band drop-out, actress dating, Jacko dance-move-copying, piss-ass 'singer'.... this, certainly exacerbated the ill-feelings of the leopard populace of a certain coastal region of Africa,( more because of the increasing resemblance to the afore-mentioned 'pop' star )... and led to a very gruesome death of the Lord... may his soul rest in peace.

Now where were we?? ah yes... Bike!

The Phantom also rides a bike... way cooler than an elephant, and for many reasons...

* A bike handles well
* A bike doesnt stop to take a piss near its favourite mountain
* A bike doesnt HAVE a favourite mountain
* A bike doesnt want to charge another bike if its hitting on some other bike
* A bike doesnt have its balls where its brains should be

Anyway, about my ride...


Here it is :

Sweet lil honey... hope it doesnt act up on an expressway!

I know most men prefer to append a 'she' to their bikes.... not me sir, A bike is NO WAY like a woman!


* A bike handles well
* A bike doesnt need to hang out with other bikes and talk about their respective 'riders'
* A bike doesnt compare genitalia details of its rider with other bikes
* A bike doesnt ask for flowers
* A bike doesnt want to charge at you, if you look at other bikes' bottoms

Must i go on? Well, bikes are known to be more dependable than women anyway, so there..... Theres that sexist feeling again.... .....Go nads!!!